It is normal for couples to have arguments and differentiation in thoughts and opinion. Naturally, we feel bad when people criticize us, especially if the criticism is coming from our partner. From my observations, there are 7 simple steps on how to improve your relationship when it comes to any argument or so-called criticism from your partner.
Understand Your Partner’s Thoughts
When it comes to communication, misunderstanding happened when your partner is saying something that you perceived as criticism or an attack, which leads you immediately to defend yourself. In this situation, both of you will tend not to listen to each other. As soon as you start to defend yourself, you’ve lost the opportunity to understand your partner. Try to understand your partner’s thoughts and feelings before you respond.
Communicate & Listen Carefully
Arguments started when issues get out of control and when your communication is speeding up, you may miss a lot of important information that your partner is expressing. This fast pace communication will also making it harder for you to keep the conversation calm.
Slow down the conversation, listen carefully and let your partner knows that you truly want to understand what he or she is saying. This helps soothe the intensity and allows you to continue to communicate in a better way.
Be Attentive to Your Partner’s Standpoint
It is not easy when you’re feeling criticized or blamed. Just remember, everyone has their own rights to share their feeling and thoughts. Take the initiative and be more attentive to your partner’s standpoint. This can immediately helps to lower down the rising tension between you.
By being attentive, you can learn more new things about your partner, and also help both of you moving toward a resolution. When you feel a heated discussion again, use this method again.
Observe and Control Your Emotion
Our emotions are affected by the internal and external factors, which has accumulated in our life experiences. One must be aware of what make your emotion behaved in a certain manner. It could be experiences from our childhood, love relationships, family issues or even friendships.
Try to observe your own emotions and learn how to control it. You may share it with your partner, in order to help him or her to understand your emotions. This understanding can help both of you be less reactive in the moment.
Be Considerate
Imagine yourself walking in your partner’s shoes seeing the world from their perspective. It requires you to step outside of yourself and begin to feel what your partner is thinking.
Be considerate does not mean that you have to completely surrender, but it just means that you need to suspend your own perspective at that moment, so you can appreciate how your partner sees things. When your partner can feel your understanding of what they are thinking, this will opening up the possibility of a better interaction.
Listen to The Undisclosed Emotion
When your partner is voicing a complaint, try to listen to the undisclosed emotion, need or desire. You must go to the bottom of his or her heart, and see if you can tap into the unexpressed emotion. Once you can bypass the surface anger, you will discover the root cause of the problems.
This is not an easy task. When you find yourself in a conflict situation, pause for a moment and see if you can feel what else in the conversation your partner is not expressing. Your partner may not able to share the whole picture and you need to listen carefully for this and use your curiosity to find it out.
Foresee The Unforeseen Issues
Many current issues in a relationship started from small issues. Most couples seek to avoid the conflict and usually under-estimate the impact of the small issues. These unresolved issues expanding over time, and eventually explode and become much bigger than they were initially.
It is advisable to regularly discuss current issues and assess their impact to your relationship. This practice can help you deal with any disagreement or conflicts more effectively.
Communication is the key for any relationships. It requires regular attention. Do not complicate the situation and always talk with your partner to ensure the longevity of your love and interaction with each another.